Joy to the World: Grief
by transmutejun
Summary: Lost in memories of his family, Joe just wants to be alone at Christmas. But is he going to get his wish? Written for Chickeebaybee.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

_Joy to the World!_

_The Lord is come!_

_Let Earth receive her King!_

The song blared out from a neighboring trailer, shattering the stillness of the 'silent night'. I could hear the music despite having my windows and door shut tight.

I grimaced at the unwanted intrusion, mentally changing the words in my head.

_Joy to the World!_

_Galactor comes!_

_Mechas crush everything!_

Sure it was cynical, but I wasn't in the mood for good cheer. It was Christmas Eve and I _definitely_ did not have any holiday spirit.

Normally I was all gung ho about Christmas. Every year, Jun and I were the ones who cut down a tree and decorated it. When we were younger we would set everything up at Dr. Nambu's house, but in the last few years we had decorated the Snack J instead. Once we had prepared everything, we got the entire team together. Ken always had to be dragged in. Jinpei came for the presents, and Ryu came for the food.

But Jun and I loved _everything_ about Christmas: the decorations, the traditions, the presents, the Christmas dinner, Christmas cookies, egg nog, caroling, the fat guy in the red suit (and I'm not talking about Ryu in a new uniform), stockings, fireplaces… you name it, we loved it. Jun and I ate it all up. I guess somehow, this holiday filled a need in us we didn't really comprehend.

But not this year.

This year, instead of making merry, everything about the holiday season was making me miserable. There were just too many reminders…

Only a week ago, I had been suffering from severe headaches. I had been barely able to function at times, because of the pain and dizziness that had flared up at the most inconvenient moments.

Of course, one of those moments happened to be when I was stuck on a mini-submarine with Ken on a mission, and I ended up telling him what was happening to me. We both figured that repressed memories of my parents' death were causing them.

And then… Ken _forced_ me to remember what my mind had tried to hide. Not that he had had much choice. I had been barely able to move, and would have died in that underwater base if he hadn't gotten me through it. But the 'tough love' approach he had taken had destroyed my world forever.

I had always known that my parents had been killed by Galactor. And quite some time before, I had realized that their killer had been a Devilstar.

What I hadn't known, was that my parents had been Galactor _defectors_. They had been executed by Galactor because they had chosen to leave the organization.

My parents had worked for the enemy. They had belonged to Galactor.

At first, I had felt betrayed by this knowledge, but after awhile I had come to realize that they would likely be proud of me now, if they knew what I was doing as a part of the Science Ninja Team. They had wanted to leave Galactor to strike out at the organization, dying in an attempt to pass valuable information on to Dr. Nambu.

Now, I was working for Dr. Nambu: working to defeat Galactor as _they_ had wanted to do.

Even though I had come to terms with this new knowledge, the flood of returning memories hadn't stopped there, with the day of my parents' deaths. I was remembering all kinds of things about them, and about my life before they had died.

I had only been four at the time, so I guess most of the memories were of the last couple of months they had been alive, because all of them seemed to relate to Christmas in some way. Whenever I closed my eyes I saw my parents decorating a Christmas tree, giving me a present, taking me to see Santa Claus, making hot apple cider…

All of my memories of my parents had suddenly become wrapped up in Christmas… so to speak.

Whenever I looked at a Christmas tree, or saw stores with holiday shoppers… or heard one of those damned Christmas carols… all I could see was my parents. My grief for them, and my sense of loss, had intensified to a point where I found it almost impossible to deal with.

I just couldn't face Christmas this year, with their memories haunting me at every turn.

Of course, I couldn't really explain this to anyone. Conversation about my personal affairs had never been my strong point. It had taken nearly collapsing on a mission to get myself to open up to Ken. For the most part, everyone just let me be.

Except Jun.

She and I were always the ones who spread the Christmas spirit _together_. Every time I saw her I was reminded of that, and then of my parents, and she just didn't understand why I was pulling away. So I had taken to avoiding her altogether. I figured there would be plenty of opportunities to explain _after_ the holidays were over, and I could deal with the situation a little better.

So here it was Christmas Eve, and instead of being at the Snack with my teammates I was alone in my trailer, trying to forget that the holiday existed.

Only, it was darn near impossible.

Sounds drifted into my trailer from the others around me, and I could hear snatches of music, laughter and other festive activities. It was excruciating listening to it all, and I was unable to block it out.

But then, a new sound emerged.

Rain.

It didn't snow in Utoland, but we did get some nights where it was nearly cold enough, and this was just such a night. Add that to the gathering storm and pretty quickly the holiday sounds had died away, moving inside the various trailers around mine.

Soon all I could hear was the driving rain pelting on my roof. Despite the inevitable damp chill that came with it, it was a relief.

But there was something else.

Another noise penetrated my consciousness, intruding upon my solitude. This sound didn't have the 'white noise' quality of the rain. It was a loud, irregular thumping.

Someone was knocking on my door.

I refused to answer, hoping that whomever it was would go away. Likely it was one of my neighbors wanting to invite me to join their festivities. That was the last thing I wanted right now. If I stayed where I was, they would probably think I wasn't home.

At least, that was my plan until I heard a new sound: that of a key turning in my lock.

My door opened to reveal a very wet Swan.

I should have known. Only Jun and Ken knew where my spare key was hidden. The muddy streaks on her striped pants told me that Jun had wriggled underneath my trailer to find the well-hidden spot I had shown her long ago.

Now, I was cursing myself for that. Who knew that she would choose _this_ night to use that information against me?

I groaned inwardly, realizing that Jun was here to drag me to her holiday celebration at the Snack. That was the last thing I needed right now. I shrank back into the darkness, attempting to sink into my bed, hoping that she would only give a cursory glance around my unlighted trailer, and then go.

I should have known better. Jun is the Swan, after all. It's her _job_ to be observant. She immediately saw me as her gaze swept around the room, pausing for a second to contemplate my weak attempt at subterfuge.

Quietly, I braced myself for the onslaught that was sure to come. Jun is fiery, and when she feels like she's been wronged… well let's just say that _everyone_ knows about it. A long time ago I encouraged her to talk about her problems, and it was at times like this that I regretted it.

But to my surprise, Jun didn't say a word. Instead, she pulled out one of my kitchen chairs, dropping into it as if she were exhausted merely from the effort of finding me. I guessed it hadn't been that easy to crawl around in the mud underneath my trailer in the cold and the rain. I began to wonder how many places she had been to before that, looking for me.

Something fell from her fingers, to the floor. I saw that it was a small bag. Jun made no move to open it, or retrieve it, but merely left it there at her feet. She had obviously been gripping it tightly, because her finger marks were visible on the outside for a few moments afterward. Jun simply sat in the chair, her hair and clothes dripping wet.

I took a deep breath, waiting for the inevitable.

But it never came.

Jun didn't say a word. She only sat there, staring at me with her luminous emerald eyes. The only sounds were from the rain pounding on my roof, and the occasional water droplet falling from her body and splashing onto the floor.

So… Jun wanted to play a waiting game, did she? Well, I wasn't about to go by her rules. The moment she spoke, it would be to ask why I was 'missing' Christmas Eve. Since I didn't want to hear it, I wasn't going to bring it up. Besides, the others were probably waiting for her at that very moment. She would have to go, soon. I didn't mind waiting her out.

I closed my eyes, trying to think about _anything_ but Christmas…


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I was nine years old when I first met her. I had just had my birthday and was enjoying the luxury of being a whole 'year' older than Ken, even though he would turn nine in three months. We were playing one day when Dr. Nambu called us into his office to tell us that he was going to adopt another boy. Two days later he came home with a boy… and a girl.

Needless to say, it was the last thing we had expected. The boy was still a toddler, and the girl… well, at this point in my life I didn't have that much of an opinion about girls. I knew that they existed, of course, but they were never interested in anything fun, so I pretty much left them alone.

But even with my limited experience, I could immediately tell that _this_ girl was different. She was seven and a half; all scrawny and knock-kneed, her hair sticking out at random locations from the two braids on the sides of her head. She was kind of shy, and we could see her watching us while we played, but she never approached us. She seemed to be following our games and at times even looked like she wanted to join in. But we never invited her. Ken and I were so used to competing with each other that adding someone else to the mix was unthinkable.

Ken and I were already training in various martial arts, because Hakase insisted that we would need it someday. I didn't know what he meant, but I enjoyed the lessons. I particularly enjoyed sparring with Ken.

One day we were doing just that, under the watchful eye of the Sensei, when I saw Jun looking at us from the doorway. Her face bore a wistful expression, and it distracted me for a moment. Ken sent a side kick at my face, and managed to brush my ear. I moved down, feigning a fall, but stuck my leg out for a sweep, dropping him to the floor. I laughed happily, enjoying my victory.

I looked over to see Jun smiling at me from the doorway. She hesitantly held out her hand, giving me a 'thumbs up' sign. I grinned back, glad to have an appreciative audience.

"You cheated!" Ken cried, rubbing his ass as he got up from the floor.

"How did I cheat?" I asked, my wide grin utterly destroying my attempted display of innocence.

"You _pretended_ to fall!" Ken accused me.

"And where does it say that I can't do that?" I asked self-righteously. Ken turned angrily to Sensei, hoping for vindication.

"Joe has a good point." Sensei said quietly, much to Ken's disappointment. "In here, there are rules, but out there…" the Master swept his arms around him to indicate the 'outside' world, "there are _no_ rules. You must attack and defend, never quite certain of what your opponent will do."

"It's not fair." Ken grumbled. I could tell that he was still sore about the whole thing.

"Your sense of honor does you credit, Ken." Sensei replied calmly. "You have been trained within these walls, assuming that others think as you do. But it is not always so. Your opponents may not be as honorable…"

Sensei raised an eyebrow at me, and somehow I felt slightly belittled.

"Even if _you_ act with honor and integrity, you cannot always assume that others will." the Master finished.

Ken appeared somewhat mollified, but still shot me a disgusted look when Sensei's back was turned.

"Well, right now, my _honor_ is telling me that I don't want to spar any more." Ken said firmly, turning on the ball of his foot and stalking out of the room.

"That is all for today, Joe." Sensei said, ignoring Ken's outburst and dismissing me with a bow. He followed Ken out the door, leaving me alone.

Except for Jun.

I felt like strutting a bit, and since I was a cocky bastard, I did so. Competition between Ken and myself was intense, and usually our sparring ended with a draw. A victory was something to celebrate. I chose to do so by leaping into the air and executing a perfect double roundhouse kick.

"Wow."

The word was so soft I barely heard it, but I turned, surprised, having forgotten my audience. Jun still stood in the doorway, an expression of admiration on her face.

It was just the kind of thing I loved: someone to feed my ego.

"It was easy." I shrugged, grinning at her.

"Ken sure is a stickler for the rules, isn't he?" Jun observed, cocking her head to the side.

"You can say that again." I rolled my eyes. "If Hakase told him not to take a crap, he'd barely be walking by the end of the week."

Jun looked at me in confusion for a moment, then burst out laughing.

"I hadn't thought of that," she giggled, "but it's a good description."

I looked at Jun carefully. I hadn't paid her much attention in the few weeks since she had arrived, but there was obviously more to her than met the eye. She appeared to be very observant, and had no trouble expressing her thoughts, when she wasn't too shy to do so.

Jun proved this a second later when she analyzed both me and my brother in a single sentence.

"Ken's kind of like a white knight…" she said contemplatively, "but you… you're more like a black ninja assassin."

I didn't know how to respond to that, at first. I had never been confronted with such an accurate comparison of the two of us. Yet I immediately recognized the truth in Jun's words.

"Black ninja assassin, at your service." I bowed, then executed another double roundhouse kick.

"You look so graceful when you do that…" Jun breathed, her eyes shining. " I wish I could do it."

"You can." I shrugged. "I'll show you."

"You will?" Jun's eyes lit up and I instantly knew that I had done the right thing.

We spent the next two hours in the dojo, working. I taught her some basic moves, and was surprised at how fast she picked them up. She was athletic, and a very fast learner.

Jun explained that she had taken some gymnastics classes at the orphanage. I hadn't really thought about where she had come from, and I was surprised to hear that she didn't even know who her parents were. My parents were gone, but I knew their names, and where they had come from, and even remembered something of my life with them. Jun had none of that. Jinpei wasn't even her real brother.

She was completely alone in the world.

I felt sorry for Jun, and decided to pay more attention to her.

Our relationship changed, after that. Jun became something of a groupie of mine, and I became a kind of mentor to her. We spent a lot of time together, usually when Ken was off visiting his mother.

As long as I had known him, Ken's mother had been sick: so sick that she was unable to leave the hospital. He visited her every day, but I never heard anything about her getting better.

Ken was also gone a lot because he was taking flying lessons. I guess it was something his father had wanted him to do, before he had died. Hakase had chosen to honor that request.

I desperately wanted a sports car, but of course Hakase refused _my_ request. He said that he wouldn't let me learn to drive until I was at _least_ fourteen. For some strange reason, Dr. Nambu thought I was too reckless to get behind the wheel. Jun commiserated with me for hours about this, winning my instant friendship on that issue alone.

Despite this setback, I spent my spare time reading car magazines, and soon Jun was reading them too. She decided that she liked motorcycles more than cars (something about being one with the road… I didn't quite get it) but it was still enough of a common interest that we spent hours discussing engines and performance, and designing the ideal vehicles we wanted to have when we were older.

Every day, Jun would come and sit in the dojo, watching Ken and me practice. Sensei didn't appear to mind, and I appreciated the cheering squad. Afterward, I would help her practice whatever I had just learned that day, and within a month, she was a pretty decent fighter. Nowhere near as good as I was of course, but then, who was?

But not everyone was so happy about her presence at training.

"I can't concentrate with Jun here!" Ken complained one day after she clapped for me when I had successfully caught him off balance. Ken had been fighting quite poorly that day, and he was in a black mood as a result.

"Do you expect to never fight in front of an audience?" Sensei asked him. "You can _never_ expect what may come, and combat is rarely in solitude."

"You're just pissed because Jun likes to cheer for me." I strutted. Jun grinned at me from the sidelines and gave me the 'thumbs up' sign.

Ken threw a dark look her way, and I could see Jun shrink back against the wall. Some kind of protective instinct I hadn't even known I possessed welled up inside of me, and when Sensi had us sparring again, I raged out at Ken, pasting him with just about every move.

"I think that is enough, for today." Sensei said, pulling us apart. "Our lesson is finished."

We bowed and went through the dismissal ritual, and Sensei left the room. Ken appeared to have calmed down somewhat, and he looked at me with an odd expression on his face.

"Do you want to come outside with me?" he asked me. "I've… There's something I have to show you."

"Maybe later." I replied, brushing him off. Ken hadn't exactly been a barrel of fun that day. Besides, I always showed Jun some new moves after practice.

"Yeah. Whatever." Ken appeared sullen, and I was glad to see him go.

About half an hour later, I was taking Jun through a punch and block maneuver when Ken stormed back into the dojo.

"What the hell are you doing?" he yelled at me. He was angrier than I had ever seen him. Usually, Ken was relatively calm, although lately he had become more and more grumpy. But this… this was something else entirely. It was more like… me.

"I asked you to come outside, and you said _no_… because you wanted to be with _her_!" He thrust his finger angrily at Jun, and she was obviously terrified.

"You stay away from Joe!" Ken shouted at Jun, stalking toward her. "He's _my_ friend, _not_ yours! Just go away!"

To my horror, I saw his arm move out, as if to hit her. But before I could react, Jun grabbed Ken's arm, throwing him down to the mat.

"You're just mean, Ken Washio!" she screamed, tears falling down her face as he looked up at her in disbelief. "You don't want me here, so I'm going! Who wants to be around someone as nasty as you are, anyway?"

Jun ran out of the room, while I stood frozen in place, not knowing what to do. Part of me wanted to run after her and see if she was okay, while the other part of me wanted to see if Ken was okay, after being tossed around like that. And yet another part of me wanted to chew him out too.

Ken got up silently, his eyes shooting daggers at me.

"You taught her that, didn't you?" he scowled.

"Of course I did." I replied angrily. "Where else do you think she learned it? I didn't think she was good enough to throw you, though. What the hell made you try to hit her?"

"I wouldn't have done that." Ken appeared offended at my comment. "I was just trying to scare her."

"Why do you want to scare her off? She's a lot of fun. More fun than you, anyhow." I huffed. I turned, deciding to go after Jun.

"You're not my friend anymore, are you Joe?"

"What?" I turned around, staring disbelievingly at Ken.

"You're acting like an idiot right now, but I'm still your friend." I sighed. "I just wish you'd stop being so mean to Jun."

"You don't like her better than me?"

"What? No… of course not!" Now I was the one who was offended. Yet, inside my head, I had to wonder. _Did_ I like Jun better than Ken? It was hard to say. I liked them both, and they were fun in different ways. Honestly, I wasn't able to say which one of them I liked better. Although if Ken kept on being so angry, I certainly didn't want to hang out with him any more.

"You… you won't leave me, will you, Joe?"

I was shocked. I had never heard such… vulnerability… coming from Ken. It was like he needed me more than anything in the world. _More_ than as a best friend.

"What's wrong, Ken?"

"I… I have to show you something." Ken said, turning his face away. "It's important."

"Okay." I sighed. I wanted to see how Jun was, but I figured if I could bring Ken back to his old self, it was worth going with him now. "Show me."

Ken led me outside, through Dr. Nambu's garden, and back to the edge of Hakase's property. We moved along a small path, which looked as though it had only recently been cut through the underbrush.

We came out on the other side into a small clearing.

There were two gravestones there.

I had never been to this place before, and I looked at the first stone. It appeared to have been there for a while. I drew back when I saw that it had Ken's name on it.

"Yours?" I gasped, a creepy chill running down my spine.

"No. My father." Ken said quietly. "Hakase buried him here, so I could be close to him. His name was Kentaro, too."

Then I looked at the second stone. It appeared to be brand new.

It bore the name of 'Sayuri Washio'. The date of death was two days ago.

"Ken, is this your mother?"

Ken looked away, and I knew that it was.

"I'm sorry, Ken." I said, wishing I had any idea of what to do. "I didn't know."

"They're both gone." Ken said quietly. "They left me."

He turned, fixing those intense blue eyes on my face.

"_You'll_ never leave me, will you, Joe?"

"You're my brother, Ken." I said, meaning it more than I ever had before. "I won't leave you."

88888

Of course, thinking about Ken's mother distracted me, and it wasn't until dinnertime that I thought of Jun again.

"Where is Jun?" Hakase asked. She generally helped feed Jinpei, and right now the usually immaculate Doctor Nambu was slowly getting covered with food from head to toe, as the mischievous toddler began throwing his meal around the table.

"I'll go find her." I offered, getting up from the table. I decided not to volunteer _why_ she was missing. It seemed like Ken had been through enough recently.

I went to Jun's room, but she wasn't there. I looked around the house, and then thought of the garage. She and I had spent hours in there going through an old engine from an ancient car that had belonged to one of Hakase's ancestors. Sure enough, I found her sitting on the floor, surrounded by greasy auto parts.

But that's all she was doing: just sitting. She didn't even seem to notice me as I approached.

"Jun." I said, and she practically hit the roof.

"Joe!" she gasped. "I… I wasn't expecting you."

"Hakase wanted to know why you weren't at dinner." I explained. "So I said I'd look for you."

"Oh." she replied. "That's okay. Just tell him I'm not coming. Better yet, tell him that you couldn't find me."

"You're not coming?"

"You don't want to be my friend anyway, so why should you care?" Jun shot back.

"I didn't say that." I was confused. I sat down on the floor next to Jun, but she scooted away from me.

"If you're my friend, why did you side with Ken?" she asked accusingly.

"I didn't side with Ken!" I replied indignantly. "I told him he shouldn't be attacking you like that!"

"But you stayed with him." Jun said, burying her face in her arms. "I saw you. You went out to play with him in the garden. I know he's your _real_ friend. You only want to play with me when he's gone."

To some extent, that was true. I had only really sought Jun's company when Ken wasn't around.

"I like playing with you." I said. "Ken never wants to talk about cars and engines."

"But Ken doesn't want me around." Jun pointed out.

"Ken's in a bad mood." I tried to explain. "His mother died a couple of days ago."

"His mother?" Jun was confused. "If he has a mother, then why is he living with Hakase?"

"_Had_ a mother." I repeated. "I never even met her. She'd been in the hospital for years. But Ken went to see her every day."

"I…" Jun appeared startled. "I guess I can see how that would make him angry."

"But does he have to be so mean?" she sighed. "I don't remember anything about my mother, not even her name. But I don't go around telling other people they're not wanted."

"You don't remember _anything_ about your mother?" I asked, trying to turn the topic away from Ken.

"No." Jun said quietly. "They told me that she died giving birth to me. That's all I know."

"My mother died when I was four." I said, purposely glossing over how that had happened. It was something I didn't like to think about. "But the main thing I remember about her was her tea."

"Tea?" Jun was confused.

"Whenever I was sad, or hurt, she would make me a special hot tea with lemon, honey, and mint." I remembered. I closed my eyes, breathing deeply, recalling the scent of my mother's tea. "It always made me feel better."

"That sounds nice." Jun said wistfully.

"But none of us have mothers now." I pointed out. "Just Hakase. So really, all of us, including Jinpei, are brothers and sister."

"I guess you're right." she said slowly. "I never had a family before."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Later that night, I had slipped a note underneath Jun's bedroom door. On it I had written 'Welcome to our family.' It had been my childish way of trying to make up for the way I hadn't stood up for her, when Ken had gotten so angry.

Jun had paid me back by trying to make my mother's tea. Nearly every day she had presented me with some concoction or other, asking me what I thought of it. And one day, she had gotten it right. I had grinned, showing her how pleased I was, and she had been elated. After that, she had made it every so often, when things were especially bad for me.

I had been able to convince Ken to try playing with Jun too, and once they had both relaxed, they had realized that they actually _liked_ each other. The three of us had been pretty much inseparable after that, and it had been Ken who had convinced Hakase that Jun should take martial arts lessons with us. Of course, at the time, Ken hadn't understood what he had _really_ been signing Jun up for.

Through it all, Jun and I had maintained a special connection. She had been my biggest supporter, at a time when I had really needed a boost of self-confidence. She had maintained this role, despite having accomplished a lot in her own right, ever since we had first met.

And then, one day, Ken and I had been arguing. I had just turned fourteen and had had my first driving lesson, as Hakase had promised. Thrilled with my accomplishment, I had proudly declared that _nothing_ could be better than racing. Ken, of course, had stated that flying was better, and off we had gone, shouting at each other over the stupidest thing.

It had been great.

Jun should have known to stay out of it, but for some reason, that day she had decided to settle the whole thing between us. I had laughed in anticipation of her comments, just _knowing_ that she would agree with me, when Ken had suddenly flashed his big blue eyes at her.

"Flying is _much_ more exciting than being on the ground, Jun." he had said, in a pleading kind of tone. "If you want, I'll take you up in my plane, and show you."

I was shocked. Ken wasn't allowed to take passengers yet, and rule-breaking wasn't exactly his kind of thing. And the way he had spoken to Jun… I had been sure that she would laugh in his face.

But she hadn't.

Jun had stood frozen for a moment, before giving Ken a big smile.

"I guess, if you feel _that_ way about it…" she had said, "flying _must_ be better."

You could have heard a pin drop in the room.

"And I'd love to go flying with you." Jun had shyly added. I hadn't been certain that my ears were working right.

Even more than that, Jun had been blushing.

In the following days, it had quickly become apparent that I had lost my biggest fan. Ken had encouraged her for about six months, but then one day Hakase had had some big talk with him, and after that he was somewhat reserved with Jun.

But the damage had been done. Jun had turned her attention to Ken, although as time passed, she had gotten better at hiding it. Now, I wasn't even sure if she still felt that way about him… She certainly didn't _act_ like it anymore.

I can't say that I hadn't missed Jun following me around… in some ways, I _still_ missed it. But I had gotten used to it. She was always still there for me when I needed her most.

And there was _one_ thing that, every year, was _just_ for _us_.

Christmas.

Ken shunned the whole holiday season as a waste of time, but Jun and I still reveled in it. Year after year, we put up decorations, and celebrated the holidays in style.

Until this year.

I opened my eyes, surprised to see that Jun was still there. I didn't know how long I had been lost in thought, but it must have been some time.

And yet, Jun remained, staring at me from her seat on my hard kitchen chair.

I shivered, just then realizing how cold it had gotten. The heater in my trailer was broken, and I hadn't had a chance to fix it yet.

Without a word, Jun stood, grabbing her bag and moving to my tiny stove. She was dry now, and she ran her fingers through her hair to comb it before washing her hands and taking out the contents of her bag.

I couldn't quite see what she was doing from my position on the bed, but before long, I could smell it.

She was making tea.

For all that we joked about Jun's cooking, she could make a damn good cup of tea. And I knew exactly what kind of tea this was.

It was my mother's tea.

The scents of lemon, honey and mint enveloped me, bringing me back in time, recalling memories of my mother…

_No_!

I forced my mind away from these thoughts, turning my head to stare out of the window, hoping that the cold rain would suffice, and that I would not have to let out the tears that were prickling behind my eyelids.

But the scent grew stronger. I heard Jun approaching my bed, and the soft clink of a ceramic mug being placed on my nightstand.

The quiet scrape of a chair against the floor told me that Jun had sat down again. I turned my head ever so slightly, to see her sipping out of a mug of tea as she contemplated my rigid form.

The warmth of the tea drifted up from my mug, embracing me, calling back memories of my mother… wrapping presents, tucking me into bed, putting on my coat… collapsed dead on a table at the beach, a pool of blood forming beneath her body…

_No_!

A hot, damp, salty droplet escaped from my eye, trailing down my cheek. I saw its reflection in the window, then looked up to find Jun's emerald eyes there as well.

She had seen.

In a hurry to cover my embarrassment, I reached behind me for the tea on my nightstand, thinking to use it to cover my face. But I wasn't looking where my hand was going, and next thing I knew, I felt a scalding wetness on my hand.

A muffled crash told me that the mug had broken when it had hit the floor. I swung my legs over the side of the bed, attempting to check out the damage.

But Jun was already there.

"If you didn't want it, all you had to do was say so." she said with a soft smile.

But when her eyes met mine, my anger was clearly visible. Her face fell, and she bowed her head again. I had seen the hurt in her gaze, and I desperately wanted to apologize. But I knew that if I spoke, my voice would crack, and it would all come out.

I just couldn't talk about this. I didn't want to face it again.

So I turned away, putting my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands, staring at the floor. I let my hair fall over my face, so that Jun couldn't see me.

She cleaned in silence, and as what remained of the tea cooled, its scent faded rapidly. A few minutes later, Jun was sitting back in her chair, staring at me. The only difference from before was that instead of looking away from her at the wall, my face was now a few inches away from hers. I was doing my damndest to pretend that the woman I cared most about in the world wasn't right in front of me, her emotions nearly as confused about my reactions as I was.

I felt her breath on the top if my head, a welcome warmth in the chill air, and my body stiffened, not wanting to think about why she was there to begin with… that I was missing Christmas.

A strong gust of wind blew through the park, momentarily rocking my trailer. Even though my windows and door were shut tight, I shivered, unconsciously rubbing my hands on the skin of my arms left bare by my short-sleeved t-shirt.

Jun sighed exasperatedly, standing up and moving over to my closet. She reached up inside, pulling out a blanket from the top shelf, then moved over to the bed. Tenderly, she wrapped the blanket across my back and around my body, making sure that it covered my arms.

I didn't really know what her game was. Shouldn't she be going? Wasn't everyone else waiting for her? Was she just here to torment, me, and make me miserable, because I had shunned her attempts to include me in the usual holiday celebrations?

I was having a hard time holding back my emotions when she did this. Making the tea, wrapping me in the blanket… it was all too reminiscent of the images of my mother that were running through my mind.

It _had_ to stop.

Almost unconsciously, I stiffened my body, shifting my arms slightly so that the blanket fell off. Frustrated, Jun picked it up and tried again. I twitched once more, causing it to fall off.

Damn being cold, I just wanted her to get mad and go. Having her here was making things worse. Normally I would have just told her off, but I knew I couldn't do that without breaking down.

So since I had to remain silent, I continued to play this little game. In a perverse way, it actually took my mind off of everything I was going through, which in itself was a welcome relief.

After at least six attempts to place the blanket around me, Jun tried once more.

Only this time, she didn't let go of the blanket.

She was sitting behind me on the bed, her arms wrapped around mine, physically holding the blanket in place. I was just contemplating throwing her off of me entirely when I felt her legs sliding around mine, her thighs placing my hips in an iron grip.

Jun's hair tickled my ear, and I could hear her whispering in a sickly sweet voice.

"I don't know what's going on with you, Joe, but you need help. I'm not leaving until you're over… whatever this is."

I grunted softly, acknowledging my tactical error. I had thought that she would just give up and go. But that was based on a false assumption.

I had assumed that Jun had thought that I was just in a foul mood. Goodness knew, it happened often enough.

Damn, I should have known. Jun could always see right through me. She knew that this was bigger than those other times.

She _knew_ that this was different.

And she wasn't going to let it go.

Damn it all to hell! Jun was going to stay and drag this out of me, demanding some kind of emotional reckoning.

Which was _exactly_ what I didn't want.

Still, I wasn't quite certain how to get out of it at this point. Jun and I were long past the stage where she would do whatever it was I told her to do, even against her better judgment, just because _I_ was the one giving the order.

Hell, she wouldn't even do that for Ken.

But… she wasn't _with_ Ken right now. She was with _me_. On Christmas Eve.

On a night where everyone should be with the people they loved, I had chosen to remain alone with my memories; but Jun had chosen to be with me.

I'm not sure how long we stayed like that: me sitting on the edge of the bed, Jun behind me forcibly wrapping her arms and legs around my body. After awhile, I felt her limbs relaxing, and truth be told, mine did too. Her warmth seeped into me, and as it did, I felt the stiffness and tension easing out of my muscles. Her head fell onto my shoulder blade, and while I didn't think she was sleeping, I imagined that she was attempting to make herself as comfortable as she could.

I was reminded of times when we were younger, when Jun would always do whatever _I_ wanted, making the best of the situation as much as she could. In the end, I appreciated her willingness to accommodate me, and tried to make it as fun for her as I could. I recalled spending hours with her in Hakase's garage, putting together that old engine, until it was working better than it had when it had come off of the assembly line. I'm not sure that originally it was Jun's first choice of project, but when we were done she was just as proud of it as I was.

And then there was the first Christmas we had spent together. Jun and I had gone hiking through the forest looking for the perfect tree to cut down, strung garlands of popcorn and cranberries, made paper chains, baked cookies and drunk egg nog… anything we could think of. The two of us had fed off of each other's excitement, each of us trying to think of new ways to celebrate. But as Jun and I had been enjoying ourselves immensely, Ken had declared that Christmas was 'for kids', turning away from anything to do with the holidays. Looking back on it then, I knew that he had just been devastated at the reality of enduring the holidays without his mother, and he had wanted to avoid thinking about that.

Just as I was doing this night.

Despite the incongruity of the situation, I found myself smiling. Whatever Jun had intended, it was working. Ever since she had 'trapped' me in the blanket, I had been thinking about _her_, and not about my parents. I had missed preparing for the holidays with her. It was something I looked forward to every year, but this year, even _that_ had been ruined for me.

Galactor had taken everything away from me.

Yet that wasn't entirely true. I had Dr. Nambu, and my friends: Ryu and Jinpei, Ken.

And I had Jun.

I had someone who was willing to give up a holiday I knew she loved, to spend it in a cold, damp trailer with a grumpy, angry man.

A man who appreciated what she was doing.

I finally admitted it to myself: I was _glad_ that Jun had come. Whenever I was upset, I tended to lash out in anger, and go off by myself. Jun somehow seemed to instinctively understand when she should let me do that, and when she should follow.

And this time was no exception.

Even without all of the trimmings I usually enjoyed, this _was_ Christmas Eve, and I was spending it with the person I loved most in the world.

I didn't have my parents, but I had _Jun_.

I shifted slightly, turning my head around to thank her for coming, when the blanket fell off of my left arm. Her icy fingers brushed my bare skin, and suddenly I realized that while I had been wrapped up in the blanket all of this time, Jun had been freezing behind me in her thin t-shirt.

That protective instinct rose up in me again, and I extricated myself from her grasp. Jun raised her head, and I could hear her about to protest, but I shushed her.

"You're freezing." I said firmly, removing my left arm and the blanket from her grasp and then wrapping them around her, keeping the right side still around me. Jun moved up next to me with a grateful smile, pulling her right leg around so that she was now sitting beside me instead of behind me. I moved my other arm to bring her close to me, and Jun sighed happily as she snuggled against my body, laying her head on my chest.

"I guess you're feeling a bit better?" she whispered.

"Thank you." I replied quietly.

"Mmmm…."

Jun's words didn't express much, but her glowing eyes and soft smile certainly did. I gently kissed the top of her head, holding her close and grateful to whatever higher power had brought her into my life.

The rain had slowed to a mild drizzle, and the sound of the water falling on my roof was now a pleasant softness, wrapping around our minds just as the blanket was wrapped around our bodies. We sat there in each other's embrace, simply enjoying our proximity… enjoying the closeness of another human being we loved.

All of those years ago I had welcomed Jun to our family, and even now, it was true. The Science Ninja Team _was_ a family, and simply being in the presence of each other was our greatest strength. I supposed that was why we always worked best as a team.

And right now, Jun was my strength. Her presence was helping wash away the unpleasant memories that had surfaced in my mind, replacing them with new ones that meant just as much, if not more.

After some time, I realized that Jun had fallen asleep. I was pretty tired myself, and I knew it was late, so I gently pulled back the covers on the bed, laid her down and settled myself next to her. She stirred only slightly, nestling herself within the circle of my arms as if she belonged there.

On this night, she did belong there. It was then that I knew that I wouldn't have made it through Christmas Eve without her.

I fell asleep with a smile on my face.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

When I woke up a couple of hours later, Jun was still snuggled against me, her cheek pressed against my chest, my arms wrapped around her. Somehow, our legs had become intertwined, and silky strands of Jun's hair were brushing my face like a soft caress.

I had never been more comfortable in my own bed. We were warm, and cozy, and I was _actually_ feeling happy. The memories of my parents were still there, but they were no longer my focus. Instead, my focus was on the person sleeping next to me.

The rise and fall of her chest moved in a steady rhythm, and I found myself unconsciously altering my own breathing to match it. I was sharing a level of intimacy I had never before imagined, with Jun.

It was perfect.

Except for one thing.

I had to take a leak.

For years I had dealt with the inconvenience of nature's call while wearing Birdstyle, such that waking up in the middle of the night was hardly a problem in comparison.

If it hadn't been for the position I currently found myself in.

Sighing reluctantly, I knew I had to get up. It would only get worse if I waited. Gently, I extricated myself from Jun's embrace, trying to disturb her as little as possible.

She murmured softly in protest, but from what I could tell, Jun didn't wake up. I stood up, attempting to creep over to my tiny bathroom without making the floor creak, as it was wont to do.

I had barely taken two steps when I tripped over something I hadn't expected to be on the floor. I stumbled, barely managing to catch myself before falling. I grabbed the thing, ready to hurl it against the wall in frustration, along with a nice selection of Sicilian swear words, before I remembered that Jun was sleeping a few feet away. I managed to stop myself and cursed in my head as I made it the rest of the way into the bathroom.

After closing the door and turning on the light I looked at the thing in my hand. It was Jun's empty bag. Shrugging, I put it down while I went about my business.

Once I was finished, I grabbed the bag, planning on returning it to the table. As I touched the outside, it emitted an unexpected crinkling noise.

Curiously, I opened the bag and looked into it. The only thing inside was a folded, yellowing piece of paper. Without thinking about what I was doing, I pulled it out, carefully unfolding it so that I could read the words written there in an untidy, childish scrawl.

_Welcome to our family. Love, Joe._

I froze in astonishment. It was the note I had slipped under Jun's door all those years ago, after she had thought that I didn't want to be her friend.

She had kept it.

I had barely thought about that day in the past decade, but Jun…

I looked at the note again. The creases were worn, as if it had been carefully unfolded and read many times. With trembling hands, I re-folded the note, placing it gently back inside of Jun's bag. My mind was awhirl with thoughts as I turned off the light and opened the door, taking care not to make any noise and awaken Jun.

Jun had kept the note. It was obvious that it meant something special to her, and that she had looked at it more than once.

And she had brought it here, tonight.

I had always known that Jun treasured the notion that the five of us were a family, and she was always the one who tried hardest to hold us together when stress and circumstance threatened to tear us apart.

But this was something else altogether.

Until that moment, I hadn't realized how much I had been hurt when Jun and I had lost the closeness we had had as kids. When she had turned her focus to Ken, I had shrugged it off, but now I suddenly understood that I had been more deeply affected than even I had realized.

_I had missed her._

It had seemed as if she had forgotten about me, and somewhere along the way I had wondered if she had ever actually cared for me, as I had cared for her.

_I had cared for her._

It occurred to me that I had kept a lot more buried within myself than memories of my parents.

_I had buried my feelings for Jun._

They were a boy's feelings: a fondness, a sense of closeness for someone who had become a fundamental part of my life. Someone who could make me feel better about myself, and bring a smile to my face during my worst moods.

I had missed that too.

It wasn't that these feelings had gone away, but a layer of hurt had settled over them, when it had become obvious that Jun preferred Ken's company to mine. In a burst of clarity, I comprehended how Ken and Jun had felt all of those years ago, when they had both asked on the same day if I was still their friend.

Yet, it appeared as if Jun _hadn't_ forgotten about me. She had kept this note, all of these years, and clearly it meant something to her. And she had brought it here, tonight, because she thought that it would mean something to me as well.

Damn, that girl knew me better than I knew myself.

I had never 'lost' Jun. She had always been there for me. Even when she was infatuated with Ken, when I truly needed her, she had been there for me.

Just like she was here tonight.

Treading as lightly as I could, I placed Jun's bag on the table, and quietly crept back into bed, pulling the covers over myself.

Jun stirred as I took her back into the circle of my arms.

"Missed you…"

"I missed you too, Jun." I whispered, a silent tear sliding down my cheek as I felt her body against mine, knowing that this was the person who cared most for me in all the world.

And despite what I had thought, that caring had never stopped.

Jun settled herself against me, obviously perfectly comfortable right where she was.

"Merry Christmas, Joe." she murmured sleepily.

It certainly was.


End file.
